Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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