i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
