So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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