I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
