So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
