I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
