thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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