You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
