All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
