If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This baby is an asshole
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
