i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
