Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
