my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
