I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
