Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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