Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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