I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
