Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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