youre lurking in front of me
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
