Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
