pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
