I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
