Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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