We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
