Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
