Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
