I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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