Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
