From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
