nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
