Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
