My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
