i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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