then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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