did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
