drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
