i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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