Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
no you cant smoke seaweed
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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