I am puke
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
