found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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