it hurts more in the daytime
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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