My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
