Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
