pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
