he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
