Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
