she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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