Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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