Do you still have your period?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
