I want to have your abortion
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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