I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
